5 causes of Christmas sadness

Why do you feel so sad at Christmas? What causes you to feel greater dissatisfaction and less well-being with life at Christmas time?

Why do you feel sad or become more depressed at Christmas?

According to an study carried out in 2015 in which Portugal was represented, people who do not consider themselves Christians feel more dissatisfied at Christmas time compared to other times. On the contrary, Christians feel more positive and joyful. One explanation lies in the lack of identification with the Christian religious confession: one might think that Christmas is only for those who celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, God of the Christians. However, even a Christian can feel a certain sadness in wishing he had people with whom he could be with pleasure, interest and joy, and finds himself alone, or with a life different from the one he secretly envies in those who seem to enjoy Christmas. Other thoughts assail him: “no, all this is a fantasy, in fact the only interesting thing at this time is that there may be the 13th month” and, although this time has become a commercial pretext to spend more money, he has long since had to give up giving or returning presents because he cannot afford it. And, this impossibility, at the same time, carries a certain sadness disguised as anger, for the difference between her wishes, social pressure and reality.

Feeling sad is human

There are several reasons for the sadness of Christmas, but it is also important to know that feeling sad is normal for those who are alive: It is natural that it arises when you have lost something, for example when a special relative or someone you love very much is no longer in your life; when health and living conditions are worse, etc. Feeling sadness indicates a need to pay attention to something you are missing because you have lost or never had. Feeling sadness is human and can help you to reflect on whether you can do something to change your motive, or just hope that it will pass with time.

5 causes of Christmas sadness:

We suggest five causes of Christmas sadness and different ways of dealing with them: the lack of meaning, the loneliness, the lack of interest in anything, the disappointment of not being a perfect person, the lack of those who have already left. If these strategies do not work and you conclude that your sadness remains, consider developing a work of self-knowledge and psychotherapy with a professional that you trust. I have accompanied several situations in which the causes have not changed, but the way people face them makes all the difference in their satisfaction and vitality.

1. Overcoming the sadness of not finding meaning in Christma

One way to overcome the sadness of not finding meaning in Christmas may be to observe and talk to people who enjoy this time of year, and try to understand what makes them live this time of year better. Apart from that, here are some other possibilities:

• Get closer to the essence of Christmas: One of my clients told me how she overcame the anguish of not finding meaning in Christmas when she decided, at the suggestion of a friend, to talk to a priest. She became interested in learning more about the meaning of Christmas and all that it represents and participated in some of the ceremonies of the season;
• Share your time with those in need: A friend of mine, who used to spend Christmas alone, confided to me that she started to live this time of Christmas better by volunteering to accompany those who are alone, because of illness or because they have no one, and that one of the things she liked most was to help at Christmas Eve all those who were alone at that time;
• Take the opportunity to spend time with family and friends: One person, who considered herself an atheist, never missed a single Christmas without being with her extended family and said that she liked this time of year very much because of the possibility of being with many family members with whom she was not normally with, and that this reunion was always a very special celebration.

2. Dealing with the sadness of loneliness and incommunicability 

The Christmas season, whether for social, religious or consumerist reasons, is an invitation to be more attentive to others. It is therefore an opportunity to send messages to those you appreciate or those who, for commercial reasons, you should greet and appreciate. You feel sad because the anticipation of a family reunion, which you cannot miss, with people with whom you have nothing to say or who you have no affinity with can increase your sadness, sense of emptiness or loneliness. He notes that in a time dedicated to the family and to various forms of love, in its place he finds separations, accumulated anger, conflicts that all result in a lack of understanding and communication.

• Anticipate what may cause conflict, distribute and divide up tasks so that people are busy contributing to the tasks involved in bringing family or friends together; focus the conversations on peaceful issues; identify a distraction that may be of common interest: a game, a show or a play with the younger ones, and propose;
• Try to appreciate what positive things there may be and, if none of this works, see the meeting, which you cannot miss, as something to do. After all, we’re only talking about one day a year;
• Be with someone you like and with whom you can talk about what you feel or just know how to listen, without criticism or judgement. You can even make that request to make it clear to the other person that you are only asking them to listen. Sometimes, being listened to by someone you like and who likes you, without unsolicited advice, works miracles.

3. Cheating the sadness of having no interest in anything 

Often there are physical or environmental factors that cause mood swings, such as, for example, food, temperature, music and light. It is true that food, drink and sugar can be stimulants, or a way of filling the emptiness inside you.

• Remember to eat healthy, balanced portions, which can turn his enormous sadness into a normal mood;
• Try to be in environments where you feel comfortable. The physical comfort of the temperature you are in, listening to music that pleases you, taking a walk appreciating the lights and decorations that decorate the streets differently at this time, may not solve the reasons for your sadness, but can make it dissipate, whether you do it alone or in company;
• Try going to a show that you enjoy. There are several concerts, exhibitions or shows, some of them free, that can be a balm for the lack of interest or sadness.

4. Accept the sadness of not being a perfect person

He sees to it that the Christmas party is impeccable and takes responsibility for everything without asking for help in preparing meals, decorations and gifts.

• Simplify, Make a list of what is really important and look for help among children and adults so that everyone collaborates and participates;
• Start early, so that you can find out what can be prepared; divide up tasks on family reunion days and pass on to others everything that does not need to be done by you;
• Focus on the essentials, accept that not everything is as perfect as you would like. And, if you think that doing everything so perfect will make your sadness go away, or they’ll like you more, then beware, you’re just going to be in the running for party master and… not just at Christmas…

5. Dealing with the sadness of not being with those who have left 

Christmas may not mean anything to you today, but as a child it was one of the best times of the year for the presents you received and for all the good things that happened. As an adult, as long as your parents, uncles or grandparents were alive there was still a reason for family reunion and celebration. But, everything has changed now and you no longer find a reason for any family reunion, a certain sadness or nostalgia settling in its place. Perhaps it is time to reinventing the experience of this date celebrating it in a different location, taking a trip or keeping to your normal routine.